God had Mercy on Me
Posted: Saturday, October 01, 2011
by Jessie I Snyder
TRUE INSPIRATIONS
What would you do if at the age of 14 you were told you wouldn’t live to see your 18th birthday? That’s exactly what happened to me. My name is Jessie, I am 38 years old, and I have lived with HIV for 24 years and suffered from AIDS for 17 years. This is my story on how I have lived almost 25 years with this deadly disease. I contracted HIV in 1987 at the young age of 14, when there was very little known about the disease. I had to have surgery to repair a broken neck when I was five months pregnant after being in an accident. But because I lost too much blood during the surgery and my baby was at risk; I had to be given a blood transfusion.
The next morning we went to the maternity clinic and met with the doctor, and sure enough I had tested positive for the HIV virus. My mother started crying for fear of losing me; I, on the other hand, accepted it immediately. They tried to talk me into getting an abortion. However, I didn’t believe in abortions so I refused. I wouldn’t have gotten an abortion under any circumstances; especially now that I was six months pregnant and my baby had started kicking inside of me. So they left me alone in my decision to keep my baby with the warning that my baby might be born HIV infected as well. However, I put it in God’s hands, and prayed that he would have mercy and spare my child from this devastating disease. After my HIV diagnosis I experienced several episodes of discrimination from numerous acquaintances, neighbors and even some hospital and clinical staff. However, I didn’t let that break my spirits I kept a positive attitude and believed in God that we were going to be alright.
When my baby was born she tested negative for HIV, only my antibodies that she was carrying were testing positive. It wasn’t until she was 18 months old she too tested positive for the HIV virus. I was furious at God and didn’t understand why he had let my baby test positive for this awful disease. After my daughter turned four years old she developed Pneumocystis Carinii Pneumonia (PCP), and was diagnosed with having full-blown AIDS. The survival rate for this type of pneumonia was slim to none. Then God performed a miracle and my daughter survived. We continued to fight, trying treatment after treatment but every time a new medication would become available she would quickly become resistant to it.
Since I had been diagnosed with HIV; I was not allowed to attend a regular school because of the lack of education to the teaching staff. So I was forced to be homeschooled by the board of education’s homebound program. I only had school twice a week for an hour and a half each time. Therefore, I wasn’t taught the regular subjects that a normal student would be. I wasn’t taught subjects like algebra or geometry; although, English was drilled into my head like a nail, which I will always be grateful for. The reason for this was that my homebound teacher was an English Professor before she started teaching on the homebound program.
Soon after I was diagnosed with HIV I became a spokesperson for Nashville CARES, a nonprofit organization that helps people with HIV and AIDS. Through this experience as a first person speaker I have been able to share my stories and help educate others by putting a face on the disease. I had finally found my passion in life; I was driven to tell my story with absolute enthusiasm. I wanted to make a difference and show others that they too could live with this devastating disease.
On June 3, 1993 I graduated from high school. Even though I had been taught on the homebound program all through school I was allowed to walk down the aisle with the graduating class and receive my diploma. Then when I was 23 I too developed PCP, and was diagnosed with having full-blown AIDS. Then and there, I was determined that I was going to live with AIDS, not die from it.
As the years passed, my daughter became sicker, and sicker. The Sunday before my daughter died I was able spend some time with her at the hospital, little did I know it would be the last time I saw her alive. My daughter was such a loving and caring child, she was an angel sent to me from heaven above. She was so kind hearted that even on her dying bed she brightened up the day of another dying child. It was this little boy who was in the hospital a lot when she was. They had become good friends. My daughter took all her strength to sit up in bed and color a picture for her friend. Then she had me and a nurse carry her to the friend’s room across the hall. She wanted to hand-deliver the picture to him so she could see him smile. It was amazing how much courage and love she showed in her last days. She gave the picture to that little boy and his face lit up like a light. For that moment they both forgot that they were fighting for their lives. It was heartwarming to see that even in her worst times she could still bring a smile to someone else’s face. She had a personality that would brighten any room, always smiling no matter how bad she felt. You wouldn’t expect that from a 12 year old.
My daughter’s quality of life had become so poor that she wasn’t really living, just existing. She was being feed through a feeding tube in her stomach and fluids were running through a Port-a-Cath in her chest, a kind of IV used for someone whose veins are hard to find. She had lost control of all her bodily functions, and was wearing pampers again like when she was a newborn baby. She was receiving platelet infusions every other day. Her body was so weak and frail, that she could barely sit up on her own. Yet here was this child showing more courage and strength than most of us had seen in a life time. Then on January 26, 2000 she lost her battle with this deadly disease. The Angel of Death had come and taken my baby away from me. I went into a deep depression, and even tried to commit suicide on a couple of occasions. I started to receive counseling, as I continued to get stronger I realized that my daughter would have wanted me to live and have a future. It was then I decided I wanted to attend college.
I started attending school at Nashville State Community College in August of 2009. Although I was not in the best of health and I continued to face many roadblocks I was determined that I was going to succeed. Then in December of 2009, God had mercy on me and I started on the new HIV drug Atripla. When I started on this drug my CD4 counts were at a low 22 and my viral load was very high at 1.5 million. However, I responded very well and my counts quickly rose and my viral load dropped.
Through the years I have appeared on two talk shows and starred in a documentary discussing the topic of AIDS. I have had several newspaper articles written about my life; one of which still hangs on the wall at Nashville CARES today. I have even written many articles myself about my fight with AIDS. Although I may not win any awards or the Nobel Peace Prize, it is not the fame I am concerned with. I am satisfied just by encouraging others and saving one person at a time from contracting HIV or AIDS.
Now today, 2 ½ years later my CD4 counts are 574 which are within the normal range of a healthy individual and my viral load is undetectable. I have finally found my wonder drug and I am beating this disease one day at a time. I continue to excel in college and I have a bright future ahead of me. I am due to graduate in December of 2015. I plan on starting a career as a motivational speaker. I want to share my story that AIDS doesn’t have to be a death sentence, that there is life after an AIDS diagnosis. I continue to tell my story and put a face on this disease. If I could give one piece of advice it would be to fight this disease head on, keep a positive attitude and believe in your higher power.
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Top-level comments on this article: (1 total)Hi Jessie. It has been a long time, you are always on my mind, though I don't comment as often because of my schedule. It's so encouraging and inspiring that even though you had a period of time when you were angry at God, you didn't let that keep you from turning to him and allowing him to work things in our lives. We live in a fallen world and are subject to the terrible things to come with it, but God never fails us. He is using you mightily and I am praying your books will find their way to a publisher and that you will be a big face in this world to breathe inspiration and the love of God to everyone who needs it. And the world needs it! Love and blessings! Your friend, TeresaThank you Teresa, that is my dream and my purpose in life to inspire others giving them hope of a better tomorrow, encouragement, by sharing my stories. Even though I have endured a lot of tragidies and adversities, I still have faith in God. I know that he will make my dream of publishing my books come true. I just have to be patient. In the meantime I will contunie to share my stories anywhere that I can. I will continue to keep positive attitude and optimistic outlook on life.
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